1.
Most people who fall into the water are back to normal after four or five days, but I was born with an illness and spent a whole month in bed before I could get up.
To celebrate my recovery, my parents had the kitchen set out a table full of food. Since the imperial physician had said I couldn't eat spicy food, everything on the table was vegetarian.
When I still hadn't picked up my chopsticks, Mother took my hand anxiously. “Are you still feeling unwell, or do you have no appetite?”
I glanced at the food in front of me, then looked at Mother. “Mother, I want some meat.”
The imperial physician had once warned me that my stomach was weak and I should avoid rich food, so I had eaten a bland diet for more than a decade.
“But the imperial physician said…”
Mother was about to refuse when I cut her off. “I've followed Imperial Physician Wu's advice about food for more than a decade, but hasn't my health still failed to improve?”
Because I'd been ill since birth, my parents had always blamed themselves and valued my health above everything else—almost obsessively.
I lowered my voice and gave Mother's hand a playful shake. “To tell you the truth, after I fell into the water, I had a dream. An old immortal with a white beard told me to eat more meat. He said it would help me recover.”
My parents prayed to Buddha for me every day. I knew that if I said this, they'd give it a try even if they still had their doubts—like a drowning person clutching at a straw.
Sure enough, my parents exchanged a glance, then ordered the kitchen to make a few meat dishes.
Before long, several mouthwatering meat dishes were laid out on the table, their fragrance filling the room.
But I wasn't looking at the freshly prepared dishes. I was looking toward the corner of the room, where my half sister, Tống Trường Lạc, was staring at the meat on the table.
Everyone in the household had abstained from meat along with me. Tống Trường Lạc had never even smelled meat since birth. She was already thirteen, yet she was as frail as a ten-year-old.
Seeing her drool with longing and unconsciously lick her lips, I couldn't help laughing.
As soon as I laughed, everyone looked at me. Tống Trường Lạc was so embarrassed she wanted to crawl under the table.
Tống Trường Lạc and I both took after our father, and we looked about seventy percent alike. But our fates were worlds apart.
My mother was his principal wife. Though I was frail, I was still his legitimate daughter, and my status was worlds apart from Tống Trường Lạc's.
From childhood, I'd had the finest clothes, food, and servants.
But she was different. I'd heard that her mother had been a maid who climbed into Father's bed after drugging him, and that my parents disliked her because of it.
My parents had never let her go hungry or go without clothes, but the servants in the household knew how to read the room.
So her life was miserable.
Before I awakened, I thought so too. But now I knew the truth: my parents had deliberately kept their distance from her because they feared that if they grew fond of her, they wouldn't have the heart to use her heart's blood to nourish me.
I stood and took Tống Trường Lạc by the hand, leading her to the seat beside me.
“The old immortal in my dream also said my little sister is my lucky star. If I spend more time with her, some of her good fortune might rub off on me and drive away the evil spirits around me.”
My parents exchanged astonished looks. Since they were sure I knew nothing about the heart's blood, they naturally connected my words to that matter and believed me a little more.
Tống Trường Lạc was overwhelmed by the favor, but her eyes shone with startling brightness.
She glanced timidly at me, then at my parents.
When they didn't object, her little face brightened.
2.
The Tống family's rules said not to talk while eating or sleeping. Mother said she was afraid I'd get worked up and choke.
At the table, the only sound was the faint clink of bowls and chopsticks. I hadn't interacted much with Tống Trường Lạc before, mostly because she always kept far away, so I'd never really looked at her. Now that she was close, I found myself glancing at her again and again.
Her mother had died young and hadn't had time to teach her, so Tống Trường Lạc's table manners weren't graceful. Still, they weren't off-putting. Her round, baozi-like cheeks bobbed as she chewed, making her look adorable. Even my mood improved.
I usually ate very little, but today I ate far more than usual.
When my parents saw that I really was improving, they were so happy they wiped away tears.
Seeing how things were going, I took the opportunity to say, “Mother, I want this dish again tomorrow.”
Because of my weak stomach, I'd never asked for any particular food before. Mother was naturally delighted that I was making this request for the first time, and told the kitchen to write down every dish I'd pointed out.
I chatted with my parents for a while longer.
Usually, Tống Trường Lạc would have left by now. But since I'd seated her beside me, leaving so abruptly would have been strange, so she had no choice but to sit sandwiched between us and obediently listen to the whole conversation.
I didn't leave until I said I was tired and needed to rest in my room.
Only after returning to my courtyard and shutting the windows tight did my expression change. I hurriedly threw up.
The servants in the courtyard hurried to fetch a basin.
I retched violently until my stomach cramped with pain. Only then did I feel a little better.
“Pretend you saw nothing. If even a word of this gets out, I'll sell every one of you.”
I threw up until the world went dark. Even lying in bed, I thought, forcing myself to do that had indeed been too much.
But that evening, good news arrived.
The house next to mine had been cleaned up, and Tống Trường Lạc had moved in.
I felt relieved. That counted as good news, too.
3.
I rarely left my courtyard, so I couldn't attend lessons at the school. But my parents had hired a tutor to teach me at home, so I hadn't fallen behind.
While the tutor was teaching today, I caught sight of a head poking out furtively nearby—a tousled head with two little tufts of hair tied up.
I couldn't help thinking that someone new had joined the courtyard today.
Because of me, my parents wouldn't let Tống Trường Lạc attend school, and they hadn't hired a tutor for her either. The only thing she was allowed to read was a copy of “Lessons for Women.”
I was confined to this square courtyard, unable to go outside. I read through stacks of books. At first, I stuck to the books girls usually read, like Lessons for Women. But after reading so many, they no longer satisfied me, and my reading broadened.
Those books shook me, making me keenly aware of how pitiable women were.
Men learned to ride, shoot, and do business, while women learned needlework and the Three Obediences.
Back then, I thought that if my body weren’t so frail, I would have to leave a mark on this vast world.
Now I had another choice.
I’d meant to sneak up behind Trường Trường Lạc and tease her, but before I’d taken even two and a half steps, I couldn’t hold back a cough. Instead, I startled her.
Trường Lạc’s face went deathly pale with fright. But when she realized I’d caught her eavesdropping, her cheeks flushed, and she hurriedly knelt at my feet.
“Elder Sister, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”
After coughing for a long while, I finally felt better. Seeing her shoulders tremble with fear, I stepped forward and helped her up, trying to keep my voice gentle so I wouldn’t frighten her.
“I know. It’s just that listening to the tutor by myself is so dull. You and I are sisters. Would you be willing to study with me and keep me company?”
Trường Lạc abruptly lifted her bowed head and looked at me in astonishment. Before she could say anything, the maid beside her frowned.
“Miss, you’re the legitimate daughter, and Second Miss is a concubine-born daughter. Why lower yourself by calling yourselves sisters? Besides, the tutor was specially invited by the master for you.”
I saw the light that had just flickered in Trường Lạc’s eyes fade away.
In other households, perhaps the distinction between legitimate and concubine-born children wasn’t so harsh. But in mine, because of my parents, the servants looked down on the concubine-born daughters. I couldn’t argue against the power of blood ties, but I didn’t think myself all that noble, either.
“You’re both young ladies of this household. If the tutor’s here to teach one, he can teach two.”
I took Trường Lạc’s hand. “I’m only asking you this once. Will you study or not?”
Trường Lạc trembled and said nothing for a long while.
I didn’t press her. I’d put the choice in her hands; whether she seized this opportunity was up to her.