I could feel my cheeks gradually growing warm.
“I’m a grown man.”
He sighed and lowered his gaze, his lashes casting shadows beneath his eyes.
“I’m sorry. I’ve always looked at everything from my own point of view.”
“There was so much I wanted to think through, so I kept hesitating.”
“At first, I thought about how to get closer to you, how to win you over, how to make you forget our awkward positions.”
“I want to marry you, but if we were together, there’d be even more I’d have to think about.”
“Would your parents approve of us being together? What about mine?”
“How would it affect your studies?”
“I’m seven years older than you. What if I can’t be by your side?”
“What should I do if people criticize you and point fingers at you?”
He raised his head and looked at me. I’d always loved his eyes, but now they were dark brown, like autumn leaves trembling on the verge of falling.
He suddenly rested his forehead against my neck. His warm breath tickled the skin there.
“In the end, I realized all of that was just an excuse to run away.”
“Could it be that you don’t like me at all?”
“I was afraid that if I made my feelings clear, you’d say, ‘Lục Dật Lâm, stop flattering yourself. I don’t like you at all.’”
Then he gave a soft laugh.
“So what am I supposed to do with you, huh?”
“…”
I’d never known he thought about things so much.
The rain kept pattering outside. Not a single light was on in the dim room.
I said his name, one word at a time.
“Lục Dật Lâm.”
“You’ve given me so much courage.”
“I want to give you a little of mine, too.”
I wrapped my arms around him, and his breath gradually enveloped me. I thought that if I had to face punishment someday, it would only mean I hadn’t been able to control myself.
I liked him so much I couldn’t control myself.
I liked him so much my nerves seemed to vibrate.
Over the sound of the rain, I thought I heard him laugh.
I didn’t know who kissed whom first, or who teased whom first.
Passion wrapped around us like a gust of wind, and the fringe on the bedside lamp swayed nonstop.
A chaotic, breathless blur.
21.
I still wasn’t used to being with Lục Dật Lâm.
I’d never heard any rumors, though I might have caught a few snippets.
It seemed I’d found a different way to become famous.
Of course, there were upsides, too. I could openly go out to eat with him and hold the hand of the person I liked without worrying about anyone seeing.
The last class on Friday was his English class. Professor Lục timed it perfectly, dismissing us one second before the minute hand reached the five.
I dawdled along with him to his office.
He didn’t have much to take with him—just his lesson plans and laptop. While he packed, I sat in a chair and played around until he took my hand.
Then he penned me in against the back of the chair.
“Are you hungry?”
“I’m okay.”
He nodded and handed me a beautifully wrapped little box.
It was chocolate.
“When did you buy this?”
I knew Lục Dật Lâm didn’t like sweets, but he knew how much I loved them.
“This morning. I picked it up on the way.”
Looking closely, I saw he was holding a few more bags that looked like gifts.
I hurried after him.
“Where are we having dinner tonight?”
“Your place.”
“Oh, you… What? My place?”
The man kept his gaze ahead and gave a quiet hum. The car slowly pulled out of the parking garage.
…
I sat in the passenger seat, and it took me a long while to catch up.
“My mom knows we’re dating?”
He chuckled. “What, you didn’t think this day would come?”
“I just… I didn’t expect her to know already…”
“It’s not too soon. You’re twenty-one now.”
At first, I didn’t pay much attention to what he said.
Then he gave a slight smile, his words carrying a hint of amusement.
“In our country, the legal age for women to marry is twenty-one.”
“…”
22.
“So… what does your mother think about it?”
Once the words were out, I found myself hesitating.
“Think? She just said she’d known for a while and told me to bring you over for dinner this weekend.”
“Lục Dật Lâm.” I said his name, and he patiently answered as usual.
“I feel like we’re high schoolers who got caught dating too young.”
“Were you dating too young in high school?” He raised an eyebrow.
“I said it feels like that.”
…
The evening sun lit up the hallway. As soon as I opened the door, I smelled the familiar scent of food.
“Mom, I’m home.”
My mom came out of the kitchen wearing an apron and holding a pot lid.
She looked so excited that I suddenly felt guilty for not visiting home more often.
But she walked right past me to accept the gifts from Lục Dật Lâm.
“Oh, Xiao Lu, you didn’t have to bring gifts just because you came. Just come by more often…”
“…”
“Come sit down. Daughter, go get Xiao Lu some water.”
It seemed she’d only just noticed me standing beside her.
…
I’d been worried my mom wouldn’t accept Lục Dật Lâm.
Ever since we were kids, he’d been the “neighbor’s kid”—the shadow I could never escape, no matter how hard I tried.
Dinner went much more smoothly than I’d imagined.
Once again, I got to witness Lục Dật Lâm’s talent for winning over the adults.
He charmed my mom until she couldn’t stop smiling. After dinner, he even volunteered to help her wash the dishes.
I wanted to go in, too, but the moment I reached the doorway, he gently pressed me back by the head.
“There are some things I can only say when you’re not here. Understand?”
…
Lục Dật Lâm and my mom talked in the kitchen for quite a while.
After all, doing the dishes shouldn’t take an ordinary person that long.
When Lục Dật Lâm came out, he looked just as he always did. I asked what he and my mom had talked about in the kitchen.
“Taking good care of you.”
He said only that, then reached over and took the book I was reading.
“A collection of hilarious stories? Ngô Lâm Nghiêu, you’re an interesting one.”
“…”
Well, I was bored.
“Lục Dật Lâm, I was riding a horse, and when its hooves went through the water on the ground, it made a really loud sound. Do you know why?”
He raised an eyebrow. He was so tall that when he stood up, he could block out my entire figure just by standing in front of me.
“Because water is really loud.”
“…”
He didn’t laugh, and I was so disappointed.
After a while, he leaned down. The distance between us gradually shrank, and I could see my own dazed reflection in his eyes.
“You like hearing puns like that? I have one, too. Want to hear it?”
I hadn’t expected Lục Dật Lâm to tell jokes, too, so I nodded.
The man narrowed his eyes slightly as he looked at me, his breath brushing my ear.
“I’m a little lamb.”
“Can you give me some grass?”
“…”
It took me a long while to catch on.
My face was so red it could have dripped blood. H-how could he say something like that?
“Lục Dật Lâm, you…”
I glared at him, but all I saw in his eyes was a teasing glint. He reached out and gently patted my head.
“The little lamb really wants to ask if he can still be by your side this time next year.”
“No.”
I angrily bit into the apple he’d just cut.
“The little lamb can only be by your side year after year.”
The night breeze stirred the curtains in the hallway.
I thought of all the times he’d looked at me.
So all along, his helplessness and tenderness had been meant for me.
He made his promise softly, like a breeze carrying away the summer heat.
They were for me, too.
[The End]