15
Huo Yan was confined at the Grand Princess’s residence to reflect, yet the weakest form of resistance he could come up with was a hunger strike. He used a mother’s heartbreak to get what he wanted. How despicable.
After my anger passed, I was left feeling lost.
I couldn’t understand. Was the “mutual respect and affection” I’d always hoped for really possible with a man like him? Had all my efforts been worth it?
It was Li Quynh Hoa who finally opened my eyes. Holding San Hô, she said to me, “Madam, all these years, haven’t you been the one managing everything in this vast Duke’s household, from its money and servants to its social dealings and the children’s upbringing? Has the heir ever handled a single matter? For the past few years, other than spending time with Tần Niệm Niệm, whispering sweet nothings, what else has been on his mind? What has he ever done for us? With or without him, we live the same way. If he wants to travel the world with Tần Niệm Niệm, then let him go.”
Her words brought me to my senses.
I was the Grand Princess’s daughter-in-law, the mother of the Duke’s household’s eldest grandson, and the one who held authority over the entire household. Every servant there respected me.
All these years, I’d examined the accounts, managed the assets, assigned the servants, handled outside relations, and overseen countless shops and fields. Which of those things had Huo Yan helped me with? Which could he help me with, or even manage to help me with?
As my husband, all he had left was the title.
If Huo Yan had no intention of doing better, keeping him here would only make him an eyesore. I might as well let him do what he wanted.
The next day, I went to the Grand Princess’s residence and asked her to agree to Huo Yan’s request.
The Grand Princess’s expression changed. “Linh Thu, you’ve lost your mind! Since you became my daughter-in-law, I’ve hardly ever spoken harshly to you. But how can you ask me to agree to his request? Do you even know what he’s asking for? As a son, a husband, and a father, he gives no thought to filial duty or responsibility, and instead clings to such foolish notions. And you want me to accept his request? Wouldn’t that be like stabbing a mother in the heart?”
I answered calmly, “Your son is my husband and the father of my son. You’re suffering the agony of having your heart torn apart, and I’m suffering the same pain. But my husband has told me more than once that being born into the Duke’s household and never being able to distinguish himself on the battlefield is one of his greatest regrets in life. I know he’s carried on as usual all these years, but there’s always been an emptiness in his heart, a loneliness nothing can fill.”
“He must have made this request because he couldn’t find peace and had spent a long time thinking it over. He’s so determined that he’s willing to hurt himself to prove his resolve. As his wife, I truly can’t bear to watch him harm himself, and I don’t want to see a mother and son or a husband and wife torn apart. So I’m willing to let go, and I ask you to think carefully about what I’ve said.”
The Grand Princess was stunned. She hadn’t expected me to say such things.
16
In the end, the parents still lost to their son.
On the day Huo Yan and Tần Niệm Niệm left the capital, all the wives, concubines, and children were there. Whatever they showed on the outside, I could tell that everyone felt cold and indifferent inside. The Grand Princess stayed away in a huff; only the Duke came to see them off.
As I watched their carriage recede into the distance, I held Chang’an and stood half a step behind the Duke.
I heard the Duke say to me, “If they haven’t returned by the time Chang’an turns ten, I’ll petition the emperor to make my eldest grandson my heir.”
Only then did I realize that the Duke of Dingguo, who had won countless glorious victories and struck fear across the Northwest, had truly grown old.
Their departure stirred up plenty of gossip in the capital. Some said the Grand Princess had spoiled her son too much; others said I hadn’t been able to keep my husband’s heart.
Neither the Grand Princess’s household nor the Duke’s household said a word in response to the rumors.
Because of what happened, the emperor and Empress Dowager felt even more sympathy for the Grand Princess and me. They summoned us to the palace several times to comfort us and continued to bestow gifts, subtly letting the world know that Princess Vinh Duong and the Duke’s household still enjoyed imperial favor and retained all their former glory.
A beloved son resolutely abandoned everything and left; a husband who had once bowed before his parents now hid behind the excuse of love, lost in his infatuation. Why did the world still insist on blaming women like me?
Life went on without Huo Yan and Tần Niệm Niệm. In fact, once they were no longer an eyesore, everything became easier. At last, no one had to watch their dreadful little drama or be treated like a supporting character in it.
The Duke and the Grand Princess seemed to have lost their son. They no longer asked anything of me, only that I keep the Duke’s household running and regularly bring Chang’an and San Hô to visit them.
Seeing how truly heartbroken the two elders were, I told Li Quynh Hoa to let Chang’an and San Hô stay at the Grand Princess’s residence for five or six days each month, so they could fulfill their filial duties and care for their grandparents on our behalf.
With their grandson and granddaughter in their hearts, both growing up healthy, lovely, and clever, the two of them found some comfort for their grief.
17
The Duke did not live to see Chang’an turn ten. In truth, his health had already begun to fail after Huo Yan left.
His years of campaigning had left him with too many ailments.
As if he’d foreseen this, he had already petitioned to have his grandson made heir when Chang’an turned six.
Whether Huo Yan had been too absorbed in enjoying himself abroad or everyone had tacitly agreed not to tell him, he and Tần Niệm Niệm knew nothing about any of this.
After celebrating Chang’an’s seventh birthday with him, the old Duke fell ill and passed away.
The Grand Princess, who had spent half her life happily by his side, could not accept this. Her grief was so great that she fell ill. I took care of everything in the household. Though Chang’an was still young, he performed the rites of bowing before the coffin and breaking a bowl at his grandfather’s funeral.
Chang’an loved his grandfather dearly. He had once taken him horseback riding, helped him practice writing large characters, and taught him how to draw a great bow. He had treated him a hundred times better than his father ever did. The boy was inconsolable, tears streaming down his cheeks. His expression was sorrowful yet resolute, already revealing a mature, composed bearing.
Everyone who attended the funeral said the Duke’s household now had an heir.
The emperor also came in person to the Duke’s household to bid a final farewell to this loyal and devoted minister. He ordered the officials in charge of rites to give the Duke a funeral befitting a prince, then personally wrote the four characters “Nhất phiến đan tâm” (“A heart true and unwavering”), granting him one final honor.
Before the many people gathered there, the emperor personally promised that when Chang’an turned fifteen, he would inherit the Duke’s title.
No one mentioned Huo Yan.
After that, the Grand Princess’s health never recovered. I brought Chang’an and San Hô to ask her to move into the Duke’s household, where we could care for her and spare her the painful memories. She agreed only on the fourth visit.
The Grand Princess, born into the exalted imperial family, had now lost all her splendor. She was just a woman grieving the loss of the person she loved most.
She no longer concerned herself with much, spending her days recovering and playing with her grandchildren whenever she had the time, enjoying peaceful days by their side.
18
When Chang’an was nine, Huo Yan returned to the capital with Tần Niệm Niệm. It wasn’t for any other reason: they had run out of money and come to ask me for more.
Only then did he learn that his father had died. He immediately lost control of his emotions and demanded to know why I hadn’t told him.
I simply asked in return, “You and Concubine Tần haven’t sent word in half a year. How was I supposed to know where you were so I could send you the news?”
He had no answer.
The Grand Princess resented him and refused to see him.
He and Tần Niệm Niệm bowed their heads to offer incense and pay their respects to his father, took some money, then left the capital again. They were in such a hurry that they didn’t even know Chang’an was now the heir to the Duke’s household.
Unlike this time, back then Chang’an was still little and didn’t understand. He asked me over and over why he hadn’t seen his father in so long. Huo Yan had never been close to his son, even when he was in the capital, so Chang’an asked me out of simple curiosity, without any sadness.
At the time, I told him his father was traveling through the mountains and rivers, enjoying the beautiful scenery.
Now, though, the boy understood. He studied alongside the emperor’s grandsons in the palace and knew the weighty responsibility on his shoulders. He read, practiced martial arts, and refused to fall behind anyone. Though still so young, he already knew to honor his elders and care for his little sister.
Chang’an’s grandmother had sighed more than once, praising how well I had raised him. Her words held so much regret, and I knew she was thinking of Huo Yan again.
From what I and those around him had told him, Chang’an understood what a fool his father was and how much pain his grandmother had suffered. So he never mentioned his father and never missed him.
As for San Hô, like her mother, she was a gentle girl. But like me, she kept her own thoughts to herself. Perhaps because Li Quynh Hoa and I always let the children spend time together, they had both picked up our good qualities.
I hired a woman official to teach San Hô. She could teach her not only the Four Books, but anything else she wanted to learn.
Huo Jing (Chang’an) loved his little sister dearly, always looking out for and protecting her. Whenever he had something good, he saved it for her.
That was what I wanted, too. As they grew up, they would need to help each other. Siblings ought to support and look out for one another.