6
The days that followed passed peacefully.
In the evenings, I worked at the internet café run by Văn Văn’s family.
During the day, I was at the hospital, teaching Grandma how to pronounce each word one at a time. The doctor said that after a stroke, you need to talk a lot—the more you talk, the more agile you become.
Heaven, earth, people.
Child, me, her.
Just as she had taught me when I was little, I patiently taught her.
Starting with individual words, she gradually learned to say phrases of three or four words.
But the first sentence she managed to say fluently after her recovery was:
“Song Ha, I’m sorry, dear. I’m so useless.”
She felt guilty for being helpless, for having saved only five thousand đồng and making me suffer the humiliation they put me through.
She felt guilty that she’d been sick that day and couldn’t personally see me off to the exam.
“Why would you come with me? Wouldn’t it be annoying if you kept nagging me?”
“I earned the money myself. My roommate helped me find a job that’s easy and pays well. Don’t worry.”
She held my hand, but her illness left her stammering, unable to get the words out.
“Why are you apologizing...”
“You really are a nuisance...”
...Why did she have to apologize?
I turned away and took a deep breath.
I didn’t want her to see me cry again.
When the nurse came to change her dressing, I took the opportunity to quickly wipe away my tears, then turned back and chatted cheerfully with her.
“Your granddaughter is so devoted. I’ve worked at this hospital for years, and I’ve never seen anyone as thoughtful as your granddaughter.”
Grandma just smiled and nodded.
At night, the internet café was packed. The twelfth graders had finally been “set free,” eager to make up for six years of being held back.
I sat beneath the counter, tapping away on a calculator.
Working the overnight shift every third night paid two thousand a month. In three months, I could earn six thousand đồng.
With six thousand đồng, I’d pay back the two thousand I’d borrowed from her and buy a new phone for four or five hundred to replace Văn Văn’s old one. That would leave me about three thousand six hundred.
If I didn’t do well on the exam, I’d choose a second-tier college and ask whether they offered student loans or scholarships. Once I was in college, I’d get a part-time job, eat less, and save money. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about going hungry.
Maybe a phone that cost a hundred or two would be good enough.
But if it broke, repairs would cost money, so maybe it’d be better to buy a more expensive one.
As I was tapping on the calculator, Lý, the internet café manager, poked his head over and asked:
“What are you doing, Song Ha?”
“Shh, I’m calculating something.”
“With that brain of yours, can you even do the math?” Lý snatched the calculator. “Let me handle it. Go on.”
“How to spend four thousand in six months.” After thinking it through, I decided, “Forget it. I’ll just get a three-hundred-dồng phone.”
Lý looked at me as if I were an idiot.
“Why not say you can make five đồng last two years?”
“Could I?” I looked at him, eyes lighting up.
“No! Get lost!” Lý snorted. “How did someone who thinks like this even get into high school?”
Time quietly slipped by.
I went back and forth between the internet café and the hospital. If Văn Văn hadn’t called to remind me, I’d have forgotten that the exam results came out tomorrow.
That afternoon, I went to the internet café. I sat down, but I couldn’t bring myself to click the button to check my results.
I took two deep breaths.
Don’t be scared. Don’t be scared.
Song Ha, you’ve got this.
The website lagged a little because of the huge number of visitors.
I closed my eyes and silently prayed.
Please let the result be everything I hoped for...
...
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes.
...
...Could this score really be mine?
...This score...was it really mine?
My trembling finger pointed at the two characters “Song Ha” on the screen.
Song Ha...
It really was Song Ha...
It turned out that when a person is suddenly hit by overwhelming joy, they can’t speak.
Tears welled up at once, and my mind went blank.
I shoved my chair back, even bumping into Lý without noticing. I grabbed my bag and bolted outside.
“What’s gotten into that girl!”
I heard Lý grumbling behind me, but when he looked at the computer screen, he couldn’t help swearing:
“Damn!”
“Oh my God!”
“You’ve got to be kidding!”
I heard the internet café’s loudspeakers blare at full volume, but not to announce some spectacular game play.
It was my exam score.
“Congratulations to our employee’s little sister, Song Ha, for earning an incredible 721 points!”
“The internet café is free today! Free drinks for all our customers!”
Behind me came a chorus of “Oh my God!” and “That’s amazing!”
The wind howled past my ears. Tears streamed in the wind; I wiped at them again and again, but couldn’t get them all.
The sunlight was so brilliant it felt like it could melt me. The wind roared in my ears, and a fire blazed in my chest.
The truth was, I didn’t know where I was running or what I wanted to say. Even looking back on that afternoon, I can’t remember what I was thinking.
The phone vibrating nonstop in my pocket brought me back to reality. Calls and messages poured in, and I didn’t know where to start. There were so many messages on WeChat that my phone froze.
I stared blankly at my phone, and the first thought that came to mind was:
I messed up!
So a three-hundred-dồng phone really was no good!
7
“I sent the top scorer Song Ha her first congratulatory message!”
“Oh no! I should’ve sent the first congratulatory message as soon as we left the exam room!”
“For Song Ha’s top-scorer banquet, we need at least twenty tables!”
“Triệu Tiểu Quang, if you can’t drink, go sit at the kids’ table!”
“Who says I can’t drink?”
In the class WeChat group, messages from the three of them kept popping up. They ignored their own scores and simply shared in my joy.
Triệu Tiểu Quang, Shanghai University of Technology.
Lâm Vi Vi, Zhejiang University.
Trần Văn Văn, just taking part for fun.
“Congratulations to Song Ha, a student from our city (and not just our city), on earning the title of top scorer with 721 points.”
“Congratulations to Song Ha, a student at our school, on her outstanding score of 721 (just three points shy of the provincial top score).”
“Congratulations to our school’s Song Ha on scoring 721 points in Happy Crush (exactly the same as her college entrance exam score!).”
Those jokingly worded banners were hung all over the streets, leaving me unsure whether to laugh or cry.
“Guess which ones were put up by the honors class and which ones were put up by our class.”
When I looked at her in confusion, Triệu Tiểu Quang just told me to guess.
I had no doubt that if the traffic-violation display screen at that busy intersection could show my picture, they would definitely find a way to make that happen, too.
“I’ve thought it over. I’m adding a line to my résumé: ‘Once helped organize major events promoting Internet exchange and development with the city’s top scorer, and offered guidance.’ What do you think?” Lý, the internet café manager, patted the computer I’d used. “This one’s been blessed now, so I’m putting it up for auction online.”
“Song Ha, would you like a teacher to help you fill out your college applications? I read your perfect-score essay. It was excellent. Oh, and the teacher in Peking University’s admissions office is from our hometown. The cafeteria food is sure to suit your taste.”
“Song Ha, I noticed you aren’t answering your phone. How about we add each other on WeChat? By the way, I’m from Tsinghua University’s admissions office. Is your phone broken? Wait here—I’ll bring you a new one right away. Don’t be shy. We’re fellow alumni!”
“Song Ha, the school knows about your circumstances, and your scholarship has already been approved. Remember to check your account. If you run into any difficulties in your daily life, don’t hesitate to tell us.”
They say good news lifts your spirits. Grandma’s back didn’t hurt anymore, her legs weren’t sore, and she even stopped stuttering.
She happily linked arms with me as we went to take care of her discharge paperwork.
We’d gone only a short distance, from her hospital bed to the discharge window, and the whole floor already knew she was the grandmother of Song Ha, the city’s top scorer.
“You must be so proud.”
“Oh, what a lucky woman you are!”
“And this girl is so sweet and devoted to you, too.”
I had to keep smiling and answering them until my face ached. That short stretch took a full half hour to cross.
But when we reached the discharge window, I stopped short, and the smile froze on my face.
The three people most familiar to me, and yet complete strangers, were standing there with a bouquet, wearing false, forced smiles:
“Song Ha, your mom, dad, and little brother are here to congratulate you.”
I didn’t even look at them. I linked arms with Grandma and went to take care of the paperwork.
“Song Ha! Honestly, why won’t you even acknowledge your mother?”
The woman in front of me, forcing a gentle smile, was that woman.
“Song Ha, even if you die right here, I won’t give you any money. Not now, and not ever.”
She was the one who’d said she wouldn’t give me money even if I died right there.
“Song Ha, listen to your dad. Family shouldn’t hold grudges overnight. Here, your little brother earned 1,000 yuan working over the summer, and he said to give it to his big sister.”
The kind, loving father I’d once imagined stood before me. He was that man.
“We’re under a lot of pressure, too, Song Ha. Can’t you understand your parents? Your little brother, Song Zheming, is about to start high school. We can’t afford to support two college students.”
He was the one who kept me hungry and thirsty while buying my little brother a pair of 5,000-yuan shoes, trying to make me give up my future.
“Sis… here… take this 1,000 yuan. I earned it working. If you won’t take it, doesn’t that mean you think it’s too little?”
Before me, the bright red bankbook, along with the bouquet, was held out with practiced meekness.
“I’m not saying anything, Sis, but it’s only 5,000 yuan. Why go all the way from the county to come here? What can 5,000 yuan even buy these days? It’s not enough to top up for a few game skins.”
The family love I’d yearned for over eighteen years now filled me with disgust.
“Sorry, you’ve got the wrong person.” I politely pushed the bankbook back. “I don’t know you.”
“Song Ha, you can’t behave like this.” My father was displeased and raised his voice to scold me.
“You never taught me how to behave.”
“Song Ha, don’t take this too far. Your mother apologized. What more do you want?”
“Give Grandma’s 5,000 yuan back. I don’t want your 1,000 yuan.”
“Sis, you’ve studied a lot. Surely you know the saying, ‘Repay kindness with kindness’…”
“Repay kindness with kindness? Then what do you repay a favor with? Study more. Don’t learn half a saying and use it like that.”
I looked at them coldly. Their words made me feel ashamed on their behalf.
Mom had her reasons, Dad had it tough, my little brother was still in school, and if the family got along, everything would be fine.
What about me?
Was one apology really enough to erase eighteen years of disappointment and tears, so I could pretend we were a happy, harmonious family?
I couldn’t do it.