When I turned around, a young man with tanned skin was standing in front of me, beaming. “It really is you! I thought I might’ve been mistaken. Where have you been all these years? You never came to the class reunions. Everyone asked Shen Ming Tu, but he wouldn’t answer. Then even he stopped coming. I heard you didn’t go to college with Shen Ming Tu. Everyone thought the two of you had a falling-out. But I didn’t believe it. How could Shen Ming Tu ever bear to leave you?”
His familiar, affectionate tone left me bewildered.
I took a step back, swallowed, and said, “I’m not Fang Yao.”
“You’ve got the wrong person.”
I hurried away, crossing the long hallway before stopping at the top of the stairs.
For a fleeting moment, I glimpsed a young, arrogant, boastful Mr. Shen in the corner. He wore his backpack carelessly over one shoulder, and his uniform was a mess.
“You’re Fang Yao? You’re the one who remembers my name?”
Fang Yao glanced at him without expression and scribbled on the paper.
“Damn it, you’re actually writing that down right in front of me! You’ve got some nerve!”
A draft swept through the hallway, scattering the pages.
For some reason, I went upstairs, strangely finding my way straight to Room 11-1, where I stood in front of an empty classroom.
Through the window, I saw a younger Mr. Shen kick Fang Yao’s chair, sneering, “What did Mr. Wei offer you to make you come spy on me? You think you can control me?”
The scene shifted. Mr. Shen draped an arm over Fang Yao’s shoulder and said, “Fang Yao, I can’t solve this problem. Explain it to me.”
Lowering his voice, he said, “You’re my desk mate. You can only tutor me. You can’t help anyone else.”
“Especially not the class president.”
“Can’t you tell she likes you? But you don’t like her, so don’t lead her on.”
He twisted Fang Yao’s ear. “Keep your manly virtue intact. Don’t go flirting with everyone.”
Fang Yao threw a book at his face. Clutching his face, he cried, “Fang Yao’s abusing me!”
I let out a soft laugh.
The sounds around me grew louder. With every step, more chaotic scenes appeared before my eyes.
One was an arrogant, carefree boy. The other, a coolheaded, reserved boy.
“Fang Yao, what college do you want to go to?”
“Fang Yao, will you tutor me?”
“Fang Yao, do you think I can pass the entrance exams? If I start working hard now, could I get into the school you want to go to?”
“Fang Yao, you’re so good to me. You even bandaged my wound.”
“Fang Yao, I won’t get into fights anymore. Don’t ignore me.”
“Fang Yao, I like you.”
“Fang Yao, you’re really good at kissing. Have you kissed someone else before?”
“Don’t kiss anyone else! From now on, you can only kiss me.”
I kept smiling, but tears streamed endlessly from my eyes.
I walked through one laughing scene after another, my body seeming to be led up to the rooftop.
The rooftop door stood ajar.
I pushed the door open and stepped inside. Mr. Shen was leaning against the wall, smoking.
He looked up and saw me. A flicker of panic crossed his eyes. He quickly hid the cigarette behind his back and crushed it out.
It was as if I had crossed a corridor through time and come to stand before him.
I instinctively thought that he had grown up.
My throat was parched. I swallowed, took a few quick steps, then ran toward him.
I threw myself into Shen Ming Tu’s arms and held him tight.
I buried my face against his neck and greedily breathed in his scent.
Shen Ming Tu’s scent.
It smelled so good.
I really wanted to eat him.
I only wanted to eat Shen Ming Tu.
I parted my lips and gently bit his neck.
Shen Ming Tu threaded his fingers into my hair and chuckled. “What’s wrong? Want to bite me to death again?”
He drew me back a little, looked into my eyes, and said, “That won’t kill me. I’ll teach you how.”
“You have to take my clothes off, then bite lower down.”
He placed my hand on his chest, where his heart was pounding. “My heart is here.”
Then he kept guiding my hand lower. “My life is here.”
“Got it?”
He grinned roguishly. “Come on, sweetheart. Bite me to death.”
I thought for a moment, then started taking off his shirt.
This time Shen Ming Tu froze, his ears turning red. He caught my hands and laughed. “I was kidding, just kidding. If you want to bite me, do it at home. Not here…”
His smile gradually faded. Taking my hand, he said gently, “Fang Yao, stop running. Come home with me.”
“You’ve been running for five years. Aren’t you tired?”
Home.
Just hearing the word felt warm.
The zombie liked “going home.”
The zombie was willing to go home with Shen Ming Tu, as long as he believed it was a zombie and promised not to give it any more injections.
I looked at him, aggrieved. “I’m not sick.”
“Okay, you’re not sick.”
“I’m a zombie.”
“Okay, you’re a zombie.”
“No injections.”
“Okay, no injections.”
“Don’t hit me.”
“I won’t hit you.”
“Don’t make me eat poison.”
“Okay, I won’t make you…”
Shen Ming Tu paused and frowned. “When have I ever made you eat poison?”
I stared at his mouth.
“Your mouth has poison in it.”
“The poison makes zombies feel hot and numb. Zombies don’t like it.”
Shen Ming Tu stared blankly for a moment, then burst out laughing.
“I can’t take it. How can you be this cute?”
He put a hand behind my head and drew his lips close to mine. “Then would you let me have some of your poison?”
I was a little worried. “Could I kill you?”
Shen Ming Tu explained earnestly, “No. You kiss me, then I kiss you, and all the poison will be gone.”
“So every time I kiss you, you have to kiss me back, or we’ll both die from each other’s poison.”
“I’ve kissed you three times, so now you owe me three kisses.”
Me: “…”
I didn’t believe him.
Shen Ming Tu was such a child.
But his face was full of hope.
I looked at him for a while.
Oh well. I should humor him a little.
I lifted my head and kissed Shen Ming Tu on the lips.
Once, twice, three times…
Shen Ming Tu grinned from ear to ear, looking utterly happy.
I looked at him with pity.
Sigh.
Shen Ming Tu was such an idiot.
10.
When I got home, Auntie Wang was there to welcome me.
She held my hand and chatted about all sorts of things.
When Shen Ming Tu wasn’t home, Auntie Wang would often talk with me and teach me how to cook, grow flowers, and paint.
She also gave me a little medicine to drink, saying it could rid the zombie of all its poison.
Once the poison is gone, I won’t have to worry about Shen Ming Tu kissing me to death anymore. I might even become smarter than he is.
Zombies like medicine.
A few days later, I started having dreams.
And they were always the same dream.
I dreamed it was raining.
I dreamed Shen Ming Tu had red-rimmed eyes and was gripping my wrist, refusing to let go.
“I’m not breaking up with you! What do you mean, you don’t like me? I don’t accept that ridiculous excuse. Were all those times we kissed a lie? I don’t believe you. You’re lying to me!”
I dreamed he shoved me against a wall, kissing me desperately and biting my lips, terrified as he searched for any trace of a response left in my heart.
But I remained cold and indifferent.
I cruelly told him, “Stop acting crazy.”
“Shen Ming Tu, I never liked you.”
“I only helped you study because of Teacher Wei. I only stayed with you on a whim, because I wanted your money. The truth is, I find it disgusting to be kissed by a man.”
Shen Ming Tu’s body went rigid. I mercilessly crushed every bit of his pride.
He lowered his head. “You’re so cruel, Fang Yao.”
He let go. “Go… just go.”
“Don’t let me ever see you again.”
I jolted awake and realized I was lying in Shen Ming Tu’s arms.
He held me tightly, patting my back as he gently soothed me. “Don’t be scared. It’s okay. I’m here.”
I started sleeping more and more, sometimes several times a day.
One afternoon, when I woke up, I heard hushed voices coming from the kitchen.
Auntie Wang said, “Based on the hypnosis therapy information and his condition, I suspect he didn’t break up with you willingly five years ago.”
“Just the facts, please. Five years ago, Fang Yao’s father accidentally discovered his relationship with you, and may even have seen the two of you being intimate. He thought Fang Yao’s attraction to men was an illness, forced him to break up with you, then had him committed to a psychiatric hospital for treatment. That’s where he met your older brother, Shen Ming Yuan. He used his position to torment Fang Yao and destroy his mind. Then he used Fang Yao’s supposed insanity as an excuse to convince Fang Yao’s father to send him to a gay conversion center, where he stayed until you found him.”
Auntie Wang sighed. “Your young man has serious psychological problems. He imagines himself as a zombie to protect himself. Just hearing what Fang Yao went through breaks my heart. He endured such terrible suffering and still survived. He’s incredibly strong.”
Shen Ming Tu was silent for a long time. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded as if it had been cut by a knife.
“I’ll investigate further.”
Auntie Wang said, “Don’t let Shen Ming Yuan get away with this. Fang Yao is terrified of him.”
Shen Ming Tu choked up for a moment. “I don’t understand. He’s my half-brother, so why would he do this? Fang Yao never did anything to him…”
Auntie Wang gave a cold laugh. “People don’t need to understand the thoughts of beasts.”
She continued, “Even if Fang Yao never wronged him, he’s your half-brother. Let me ask you plainly: when you were dating Fang Yao, did your dear older brother know all about it?”
Their conversation went on too long, and there was too much information. My head hurt. I could only feel that it had something to do with me.
When Shen Ming Tu came out, I felt like a thief caught in the act. Afraid he’d realize I’d been eavesdropping, I quickly closed my eyes and pretended I was still asleep.
Shen Ming Tu brushed the stray locks of hair from my face, kissed my forehead, took off his shoes, and squeezed onto the little sofa to hold me tightly.
“Fang Yao, I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you safe.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”
Warm tears fell onto my face. I nuzzled into Shen Ming Tu’s arms.
I didn’t understand why he was crying or why he had to say he was sorry.
But it was all right.
Shen Ming Tu,
if you regret it, then I’ll forgive you.
11.
Ever since bringing Fang Yao home, Shen Ming Tu had been busy gathering evidence to sue the gay conversion center.
After the people involved were arrested, his lawyer brought him a USB drive.
“This drive contains videos of their treatment of patients. Some of the footage is of Fang Yao. Do you want to watch it?”
The USB drive lay on the desk.
Three days passed. Shen Ming Tu didn’t touch it or put it away.
But on the fourth day, he finally steeled himself. Before opening the drive, he called Auntie Wang from the second-floor study. “If I go crazy in a minute and try to run out and kill someone, you have to stop me.”
“Fang Yao only has me. I can’t let anything happen to me.”
Downstairs in the living room, Auntie Wang hung up, trimmed the damaged flowers, and handed me a sprig.
An hour later, the sound of things being smashed came from upstairs, nonstop.
Curious, I looked upstairs and asked her, “What’s wrong with Shen Ming Tu?”
Auntie Wang answered without changing her expression. “Don’t mind him. He’s having a fit.”
Heavy, hurried footsteps came from upstairs.
Auntie Wang glanced upstairs, then turned to me. “Diệu Diệu, when Shen Ming Tu comes down, remember to hold him tight and kiss him until he stops going crazy.”
“Huh?”
What a strange request.
But… Auntie Wang was always right!
As soon as she finished speaking, Shen Ming Tu came charging downstairs, eyes bloodshot and radiating murderous rage. Auntie Wang stepped forward to stop him, but he shoved her aside. “Stay out of this.”
Shen Ming Tu was in unbearable pain and consumed by hatred. “I’ll kill them! I’ll fucking kill every last one of them!”
Auntie Wang frowned and tried to stop him again. “Don’t get worked up!”
“Worked up? I’m not worked up. I’m perfectly calm.”
He knocked her hand away, charging forward like a raging beast. “Those animals deserve to die, every last one of them! They tortured Fang Yao like that—why should they get to live?!”
Auntie Wang clutched the arm he’d hit, grimacing in pain, and shouted to me, “Diệu Diệu, stop him!”
At her command, I rushed over, knocked Shen Ming Tu to the floor, and pinned him beneath me. Then I turned to Auntie Wang, waiting for her next instruction.
Auntie Wang walked to the door and smiled at me. “Diệu Diệu, kiss him.”
With that, she went outside and closed the door.
I bent down and looked at Shen Ming Tu. His eyes were red, his breathing ragged, his teeth clenched tight as tears streamed down his face.
I leaned down and kissed his eyes. “Shen Ming Tu, what’s wrong?”
Shen Ming Tu’s trembling hand touched my face. “Diệu Diệu, are you hurt?”
I blinked. “I’m not hurt.”
Shen Ming Tu couldn’t hold back anymore. He burst into sobs. “But I’m in so much pain.”
“Why? Why could they treat you like that?”
“How could they bring themselves to do it? How could they?”
I held Shen Ming Tu and thought it over slowly.
Perhaps I understood a little.
They could do it because they weren’t Shen Ming Tu.
Shen Ming Tu understood that perfectly well.
In truth, he was the only one who couldn’t bear to.
In his eyes, Fang Yao was a treasure. So he had always innocently believed that the whole world should cherish his Fang Yao.
13.
Shen Ming Yuan worked in pharmaceutical research, but he wasn’t a licensed doctor.
The experimental drug he had once injected into me was an unfinished product from his private lab.
The drug was mainly used to treat psychiatric disorders.
The chaotic mix of drugs injected into the body brought on unbearable pain.
Auntie Wang told Shen Ming Tu, “It’ll be very difficult for him to recover to the way he was before.”
She went on, “Fang Yao may be simple-minded for the rest of his life.”
The room was utterly silent—so quiet that one could hear the blood flowing through Shen Ming Tu’s veins.
Shen Ming Tu seemed to have calmed down. He no longer screamed about killing people.
However, half a year later, Song Mingyuan fled overseas after selling illegal drugs that caused deaths. A month after that, he was shot dead.
Shen Ming Tu went to find my father at the teahouse, told him he was ill, and then had him committed to a psychiatric hospital.
Auntie Wang told me all of this.
I tried to listen. I tried to understand.
Little by little, I thought it through and gradually took it all in.
Auntie Wang said, “Shen Ming Tu didn’t want me to tell you because he was afraid that remembering the past would be too much for you. He was also afraid you wouldn’t understand and would fret over it day after day, only making yourself miserable.”
“But I know you can do it. You’re learning. You’re trying.”
“One day, you’ll accept this world, accept pain, accept love, and accept yourself.”
“Fang Yao, you’re the strongest zombie, aren’t you?”
I smiled shyly.
Auntie Wang said, “Fang Yao, a happy zombie becomes human.”
“When you become human, I won’t come by anymore.”
I thought for a moment. As I saw Auntie Wang off, I said goodbye.
I told her she didn’t need to come back.
Shen Ming Tu returned through the wind and snow and told me, “Diệu Diệu, Lunar New Year is almost here.”
Brilliant fireworks burst across the pitch-black night sky.
The new year had arrived.
Shen Ming Tu wrapped his arms around me and asked, “Little zombie, do you have a wish?”
Warmth seeped in little by little, filling the cracks inside me.
Shen Ming Tu’s body was broad enough, warm enough.
Enough to lead a cold body like mine home.
I said, “Shen Ming Tu, I’m not a zombie.”
“Then what are you?”
“I’m Fang Yao.”
“I’m Shen Ming Tu’s lover.”
—THE END—