It was plainly her birthday today.
Just this morning, she’d smiled and promised me that once she recovered, we’d take the four children out of the palace for a walk.
She was such a good person…
13.
On the day of the empress’s funeral, the entire Ngu clan was beheaded.
But the emperor spared Noble Consort Yu, only banishing her to the Cold Palace.
When I went to demand an explanation, the emperor replied with just one sentence: “This has nothing to do with you.”
At the time, I had no idea what a horrifying revenge plot he was devising.
After giving him a piece of my mind, I stormed back to Lâm Nguyệt Palace.
After that, whenever I saw the emperor, I pointed right at his nose and cursed him out.
Heartless and ungrateful, worse than pigs and dogs.
The emperor said nothing and let me berate him.
Once I was done, he’d reward me with a pile of things and then disappear.
Then, every month or two, he’d come back to be scolded again.
And so it went, over and over.
When Thụy Chiêu turned one, the emperor elevated me to Imperial Noble Consort and handed me the phoenix seal.
After that, he never recruited any more palace women.
When Thụy Chiêu was two and Tạ Thừa Ý was five, he was old enough to start studying in the imperial study.
By then, each day I had to deal not only with Thụy Chiêu, who was just learning to talk and asked a hundred thousand questions about everything, but also supervise the studies of three children.
Another year, at the Qingming Festival, I took the four children to the imperial mausoleum to pay their respects to the empress.
A furtive figure caught my attention.
I asked the mausoleum keeper, “Who is that?”
The keeper hesitated for a moment before answering, “That’s His Highness, the eldest prince.”
The eldest prince, Tạ Thừa Trạch, was the son of Ngu thị, who was in the Cold Palace.
I frowned. “Why is he here?”
“Two years ago, after Ngu thị was sent to the Cold Palace, someone knocked the eldest prince unconscious and dumped him here. We servants didn’t know whether it was His Majesty’s order, so we didn’t dare interfere.”
By my calculations, Tạ Thừa Trạch must be ten years old this year.
Yet he was even more frail than five-year-old Tạ Thừa Ý.
Ngu thị had caused the empress’s death, and I hadn’t wanted to get involved.
But before we left, Tạ Thừa Càn suddenly said to me, “Your Highness, can we bring Imperial Brother back to the palace? He doesn’t even have anything to eat here.”
I was taken aback. “But his mother killed your mother. Don’t you hate him?”
I had never hidden the truth about the empress from Tạ Thừa Càn.
Tạ Thừa Càn answered earnestly, “Your Highness, didn’t you say that children shouldn’t be made to answer for their parents’ sins, and that calamity shouldn’t be visited on an entire family? Eldest Brother used to treat me very well. The person who killed Mother wasn’t him. We shouldn’t take our hatred out on him. Besides, Consort Mai used to have a feud with you too, but you still took in my elder sister.”
I was stunned. That was right—I’d taught them that myself.
Children shouldn’t be made to answer for their parents’ sins, and calamity shouldn’t be visited on an entire family.
The empress’s death had blinded me with hatred.
None of this had anything to do with Tạ Thừa Trạch. He was just an innocent victim caught in the crossfire.
Once I’d thought it through, I took Tạ Thừa Trạch back to the palace.
Back at the palace, I informed the emperor as a formality, then took Tạ Thừa Trạch in at Lâm Nguyệt Palace.
14.
For the first few months, Tạ Thừa Trạch was still very timid.
At every meal, he didn’t dare take a second bowl of rice.
When he spoke to me, his voice was barely louder than a mosquito’s buzz, as if he were afraid of angering me.
Only after Tạ Thừa Ý and Tạ Thừa Càn took him under their wings did he gradually open up.
The first time he carefully called me Mother Consort, after Tạ Thừa Ý, I didn’t correct him.
Instead, I brought out the cloth pouch I’d sewn for him. “I’ve spoken to your father. Tomorrow, go to the imperial study with Thừa Càn and Thừa Ý.”
He took the pouch, knelt, and bowed to me, choking out, “Thừa… Thừa Trạch thanks Mother.”
And so Lâm Nguyệt Palace became the biggest nursery in the imperial palace.
I raised five children by myself for eight years.
Eight years was enough to change a great many things.
For instance, Tạ Thừa Ý, who once spoke like a little child, had become a mischievous monkey whom no one in the palace but me could control. And Tạ Thừa Càn, who had been clever from an early age, now had a voice in court and had become a worthy Crown Prince, while well-read and knowledgeable Thừa Trạch had become his right-hand man.
Two years ago, Eldest Princess Thanh Uyển married the top scholar, and they were now happily in love. I had nothing to worry about there.
The only one still at Lâm Nguyệt Palace was Thụy Chiêu, who had reached the age when she loved dressing up.
Life had been peaceful and quiet.
I’d thought that once the emperor died and Thừa Càn ascended the throne, I’d leave the palace and go admire the beautiful scenery of the Qi kingdom.
But I never imagined that Ngu thị would one day be able to leave the Cold Palace.
Actually, it wasn’t just me who was surprised. The entire Six Palaces and every civil and military official were caught off guard.
Eight years in the bleak, impoverished Cold Palace had not worn away even a trace of her beauty. If anything, it had made her even more captivating.
When she came to pay her respects to me, head bowed and eyes lowered,
I expressionlessly flung a cup of hot tea in her face.
Then I drew a guard’s sword and went to the emperor’s Hall of Mental Cultivation.
When I held the sword to the emperor’s throat, Eunuch Liu clung to my legs and begged desperately, “Your Highness! Your Highness, please calm down!”
“Why did you let her out?” I demanded.
The emperor acted as if he couldn’t feel the blade at his throat and lowered his head to read his memorial.
Only after he finished reviewing it did he look up and smile. “It’s time.”
My hand went limp.
Not because of what he said, but because of the madness that flashed in his eyes.
I’d always felt that something was wrong, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
15.
For the next half month, the emperor spent every night in Ngu thị’s palace.
Her rank rose steadily until, at last, she was restored to her former position as Noble Consort.
Not only that, the emperor even defied the court officials’ objections and gave her a new name and identity, transforming her from Ngu Âm, the daughter of a convicted traitor, into Dư Doanh, the youngest daughter of the Grand Tutor.
After Ngu thị was restored to her position as Noble Consort, the person she missed most was Tạ Thừa Trạch, who was being raised by me.
Although Tạ Thừa Trạch had left the palace and established his own household long ago,
he still came to the palace to dine with me every three or four days.
Ngu thị would wait along the path he took.
One day she would give him a pair of shoes, the next a set of clothes.
When Tạ Thừa Trạch came to my palace for dinner again, I asked him, “Would you like to go back to your birth mother?”
Without looking up, Tạ Thừa Trạch replied gently, “Aren’t I with my mother right now, having dinner with you?”
I sighed helplessly. “I’m trying to have a serious talk with you.”
He looked up. “I’m telling the truth. You’re the only mother I have.”
Then he placed a piece of lotus root in my bowl and said earnestly, “Please don’t bring this up again, Mother. It makes your son sad.”
I was taken aback. “All right.”
But things didn’t go as I’d hoped.
The emperor seemed to have gone mad. He issued an edict ordering Tạ Thừa Trạch to return to Ngu thị’s palace.
His reason was that the Noble Consort missed her son terribly and wanted Tạ Thừa Trạch to repay her for the eight years he hadn’t shown her filial devotion.
Damn it. Repay her ass.
I’d thought that if Tạ Thừa Trạch came again, I’d comfort him and tell him to endure it until the emperor died.
I never expected Tạ Thừa Trạch to stop coming to my palace altogether.
I didn’t see Tạ Thừa Trạch again until three months later.
It was Ngu thị’s birthday, and the emperor held a banquet for her.
In those three months, Tạ Thừa Trạch had grown terribly thin. The eyes that had always been so gentle now looked like a pool of dead water.
I tried to find a moment during the banquet to talk to him, but he avoided me like the plague.
He left the palace early, before the banquet was over.
That night, after I returned to my palace, the more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt. I was about to send someone to his residence to check on him when Eunuch Liu, one of the emperor’s attendants, rushed in. “Something terrible has happened, Your Highness! The First Prince has taken poison and attempted suicide!”
16.
I hurried to Tạ Thừa Trạch’s residence, where I happened to find Ngu thị in a panic as well.
When I saw Tạ Thừa Trạch lying on the bed, his life hanging in the balance, my legs went weak and I nearly collapsed.
Ngu thị lay over him, weeping bitterly. “My son! My son! How could you do something so foolish?”
“How is the First Prince?” I asked the imperial physician.
The physician shook his head. “His Highness took the poison too long ago. We managed to save his life, but whether he’ll wake is up to fate. The First Prince has very little will to live. I fear…”
He didn’t finish, but I understood what he meant.
What could have happened in just three months to make the once-gentle Thừa Trạch lose his will to live and resolve to die?
I stopped caring about anything else and grabbed Ngu thị. “What did you do to drive Thừa Trạch to this?”
In her anguish, Ngu thị could only murmur, “How did it come to this… My son…”
Just then, the emperor let out a soft laugh from beside us.
I looked at him.
His face showed neither sorrow nor joy. He only asked Ngu thị, “How does it feel to drive your own son to his death?”
Ngu thị froze. “Your Majesty…”
“Did you think I didn’t know you were in contact with the remnants of the Ngu clan, planning to support Thừa Trạch’s bid for the throne?”
“Did you think I didn’t know that you deliberately framed the Crown Prince before?”
“Did you think you’d already secured victory?”
Those three questions struck not only Ngu thị, but me as well.
So eight years ago, when he refused to order Ngu thị’s death and let her live, it had all been so he could take revenge today.
He wanted Ngu thị to suffer the loss of the person dearest to her, just as he had.
He truly was a madman.
The emperor emerged from the shadows, one step at a time. His voice was cold, but a smile played at the corners of his mouth as he said to Ngu thị, “For eight years, I’ve been preparing a gift for you with my own hands. Do you like it?”
Ngu thị sank to the floor, utterly broken. “Why! Why! He’s your son too—your own flesh and blood!”
Then something happened that no one could have foreseen.
When the emperor drew near, Ngu thị seized the hairpin from her head and drove it into his neck.
Then she killed herself.
In a single night, both the emperor and the Noble Consort died.
Tạ Thừa Càn ascended the throne without incident.
17.
After Tạ Thừa Càn ascended the throne, I became the empress dowager.
I brought Tạ Thừa Trạch back to Lâm Nguyệt Palace. Although he still hadn’t woken, I told him stories just as I had when he was little.
I went from Journey to the West to Water Margin, then from Water Margin to Romance of the Three Kingdoms.
In the fourth year of Tạ Thừa Càn’s reign, Tạ Thừa Ý fell for a young woman, the daughter of the Minister of Rites.
She was gentle and beautiful, so I arranged their marriage.
That same year, Tạ Thừa Càn began selecting consorts. The Right Chancellor’s daughter was made empress, and the Left Chancellor’s daughter was made Noble Consort.
He treated both sides fairly.
The only thing was, Tạ Thừa Trạch still hadn’t woken up.
In the fifth year of Tạ Thừa Càn’s reign, Tạ Thanh Uyển and her prince consort had their first child.
Since it was their first time raising a child, neither of them knew what they were doing.
They came to my palace every three or four days.
They annoyed me so much, I went gray in a few more places.
In the sixth year of Tạ Thừa Càn’s reign, even the youngest princess found someone she liked.
He was only an unremarkable seventh-rank civil official, but she truly liked him. I couldn’t very well stand in her way, so I arranged their marriage too.
That same year, the empress and Noble Consort each gave birth to a princess, and I went gray in a few more places from the bother.
In the seventh year of Tạ Thừa Càn’s reign, on my birthday,
a crowd gathered in my Lâm Nguyệt Palace to listen as I told Tạ Thừa Trạch Journey to the West.
I’d reached the part where the four masters and disciples had overcome eighty-one trials and finally arrived in the Western Heaven to obtain the scriptures.
A hoarse voice rang out. “So, did Sun Wukong finally become free?”
Everyone froze and turned toward the speaker.
I turned to look too.
Tạ Thừa Trạch, who had been unconscious for seven years, looked just as he had at ten years old. With a gentle, shy smile, he asked, “Mother, did Sun Wukong become free?”
My eyes stung, and I answered softly, “He’s free now.”
From then on, he was no longer bound by the tightening band, whether he went up to Heaven or down to Earth.
He would be the freest Great Sage Equal to Heaven in the world.
—THE END—