1
I stood frozen in the doorway for a long time, unable to move.
The “bride” must have been hot-tempered; she lifted her veil herself without a second thought.
The candlelight flickered. Before I could get a good look at her face, I hurriedly shut the door, flustered. I absolutely couldn’t let anyone know I’d been granted a “treasure” like this.
Leaning against the door, I swallowed and stared nervously at the person on the bed. “You… which family are you from…?”
Even though the person sitting on the bed wore a phoenix crown and a bridal sash, I wanted to pretend I was blind. But looking at the person before me—with those bright eyes and bold brows, sitting there with such imposing dignity—I just couldn’t bring myself to say the word “Miss.”
The other person spoke calmly. “I am of the Xiao family. My name is Xiao Hezhong.”
With that, he began taking off his cumbersome wedding clothes.
My eyes widened. Before he could be “frank” with me, I hurriedly grabbed his wrist and stopped him.
“You… you…”
I stammered and stammered, but couldn’t get the words out.
This was beyond my ability to comprehend.
It was a different profession altogether, yet the old emperor had left the memorials unanswered and taken up matchmaking instead, recklessly pairing people off.
I really wanted to know how the old emperor had managed to come up with such a world-shattering idea.
Xiao Hezhong curled his lips in self-mockery. “I was too hasty. I should have helped the general change first.”
Then he redirected his long, slender fingers and began undoing my belt.
I sprang into action, using one hand to stop him from undressing me and the other to stop him from undressing himself.
Sweat poured down my forehead. “M-my… my wife, we, we…” I glanced at the wine cups on the table and hurriedly said, “We haven’t drunk the nuptial wine yet!”
He was so close that Xiao Hezhong practically brushed against my face as he stood up.
I looked up at the man a head taller than me and, for the first time, wanted to run away.
He half-dragged, half-pulled me over to the table.
Xiao Hezhong poured two cups of wine and handed me one, not forgetting to urge me, “Drink up. Then we can get to work.”
Looking at the resolute gleam in his eyes, I felt that what he wanted to do wasn’t work—it was me.
After we drank, Xiao Hezhong quickly took off his outer robe. I couldn’t stop him in time.
He slowly came closer, his expression darkening. “General, it’s late. Let’s go to bed.”
Go to bed? What kind of bed?
Help!
Following the principle of striking first to gain the upper hand, I knew that if I waited, I’d be in trouble.
I lunged at him a step before he could, intending to subdue him.
Xiao Hezhong didn’t react in time. He caught me in his arms, and we staggered backward and fell.
I hurriedly reached out to catch him, but in my panic I tore his undershirt and stripped him bare.
Xiao Hezhong grew even more frantic. His star-bright eyes glared furiously, and he raised his massive fist and punched me without a word.
That punch had no technique—just pure feeling.
Two groans.
He clutched his head, I clutched my eye, and we sat up.
Three eyes met in a silence so still it was terrifying.
Xiao Hezhong stared at me. “You… why didn’t you dodge? Aren’t you a general?”
I suddenly lowered my hand, revealing my bruised eye.
“I’m a general, not an immortal. We were this close, and your fist was so fast. How was I supposed to dodge?”
He looked as delicate as Lin Daiyu, but when he raised his fist, he was just like Lu Zhishen uprooting a willow tree.
Xiao Hezhong knew he was in the wrong and stammered, “Well, you’re the one who tore my clothes off!”
My cheek hurt. I grimaced, angry, and offered no explanation. Stiffening my neck, I said, “We’ve gone through the wedding rites and drunk the wine. You’re my wife. Can’t I take your clothes off?”
Xiao Hezhong’s face turned from pale to red, pale with anger and red with anger.
He didn’t bother with his clothes anymore. He closed his eyes and lay rigidly on the bed, looking ready to let me do whatever I wanted.
Watching his trembling lashes, I suddenly felt uneasy. He was a man, and being married off to me—a “cut sleeve”—surely hadn’t been his choice.
I reached over and pulled his clothes back into place.
He looked at me, puzzled.
Clutching my black eye, I walked over to the low bed beside his and grumbled, “You’re sleeping with your navel exposed…”
*In East Asian culture, the navel is considered a sensitive area, and leaving it uncovered while sleeping is believed to harm one’s health, for example by making one more prone to catching a chill or getting a stomachache. This line may therefore be used to criticize or remind someone to cover their navel while sleeping to protect their health.
Suddenly, I tripped over the clothes on the floor.
“Do you have diarrhea?!”
Xiao Hezhong looked at me strangely. “Why aren’t you sleeping in the bed?”
I didn’t even open my eyes. “I’m afraid you’ll wake up in the middle of the night and kick me in the face.”
“Get in bed and sleep.”
I rolled over. After entertaining guests all day, exhaustion overwhelmed me as soon as I leaned against the pillow.
I blurted out, “Go to sleep. Just think of it as me being kind to my wife.”
In the middle of the night, a rustling sound woke me. When I opened my eyes, I saw Xiao Hezhong doing something over my head.
Moonlight poured down like water, casting a shadow across his face. It was… terrifying.
I raised my hand to cover the eye he’d punched, then realized that wasn’t right and covered the other one too.
In a panic, I shut my eyes and yelled,
“Don’t hit me in the face!”
I won’t be able to face anyone tomorrow.
Xiao Hezhong’s eye twitched. He suddenly pulled the blanket in his hands over my head.
“I hope you freeze to death!”
After a brief struggle, Xiao Hezhong got into bed and pulled up the covers.
I cautiously poked my head out and glanced at his angry back on the bed, then at the blanket covering me. In a low voice, I said to his back, “Remember to cover your navel.”
Xiao Hezhong’s fist, resting at his side, suddenly clenched.
Startled, I clutched my face and burrowed under the covers.
2
The factions at court were intricately entangled, and the Crown Prince and the Fifth Prince were evenly matched in standing.
My father supported the Crown Prince, while Xiao Hezhong’s father stood with the Fifth Prince.
The old emperor’s decree of marriage was truly a shit-stirring stick, as if he feared the two sides might get along too comfortably.
After all, if the officials stayed peaceful for too long, they might start setting their sights on the throne.
Because of this connection, I didn’t much want to visit the Xiao family.
But I still had to go, so outsiders wouldn’t look down on Xiao Hezhong.
Because of my injury, I put it off for several days before returning home with him.
When we arrived at the Xiao family’s home, Xiao Hezhong was called away by a servant as soon as we entered. I had no idea where he went.
As it happened, I had a few things to discuss with his father, and Xiao Hezhong’s presence would only make things awkward.
I’d thought from the start that, no matter how unscrupulous the old emperor was, he couldn’t send a man to my estate. So I’d secretly had someone investigate the matter.
I sat in the reception room, running my finger along the rim of my teacup as I thought about the news my subordinate had brought me that morning.
It turned out that the one who was supposed to marry me all along was the Xiao family’s young lady, Xiao Yun-dao.
But she didn’t want to, and when the Madam of the Xiao family heard that I preferred men, she used Xiao Hezhong’s mother’s unburied body to threaten him, forcing him to put his disfavored concubine-born second son in the bridal sedan chair.
Looking at the head of the Xiao family, Xiao Rulin, sitting there sipping tea, I saw no trace of guilt or panic on his face.
Clearly, he knew I’d found out about the switch.
I couldn’t be bothered with small talk. I set my teacup down with a clack and said coldly, “Switching one person for another is a crime of deceiving the emperor. Lord Xiao, you’ve got some nerve.”
Xiao Rulin gave a faint smile, utterly unconcerned. “I don’t understand what you mean, My Lord. His Majesty knows only that a daughter of the Xiao family was married to you. He doesn’t know which one. How can it be deceiving the emperor if even the emperor doesn’t know?”
His words made me laugh in disbelief.
“Are you blind? Xiao Hezhong is a man!”
“You’d do better to consider him a woman, My Lord.” Xiao Rulin skimmed the tea leaves from the surface of his tea. “Even if you brought this before His Majesty, at most only one illegitimate son would die: Xiao Hezhong.”
I narrowed my eyes. He dared to act so brazenly in front of me only because the Fifth Prince had his back.
Seeing how little he cared about Xiao Hezhong, I felt a sudden, nameless anger rise within me.
My father often said that when dealing with scholars, you had to mind your manners and keep your temper. Otherwise, they’d write a few vicious essays and slander me to death—a simple-minded military general.
I took a deep breath, suppressing the urge to curse him out.
“You’re so heartless and unfeeling. Did you feed all those sages’ teachings to the dogs? He may be your son, but he’s still your son!”
Xiao Rulin’s face turned ashen, the wrinkles on it trembling.
“That illegitimate son is neither man nor woman. He wears makeup and looks just like a woman. Surely that’s what you like, General?”
“Like that? In your dreams!” I slammed my hand on the table, splashing tea everywhere and spilling half the cup. “I thought you were using your brain to talk to me, but now I see you don’t have one!”
I got up and headed outside, afraid that if I stayed any longer, the teapot in my hand would fly straight into his face.
I could imagine how Xiao Hezhong must have lived at the Xiao family’s home all those years, walking on thin ice through storm after storm.
I couldn’t be bothered to look at Xiao Rulin’s face, as foul as a filthy foot rag.
I called out, “Where’s Xiao Hezhong? I’m taking him home!”
What was there to come back to in this rotten house? With an old fool like that around, better not to see him at all!
The servants all lowered their heads and said nothing. A bad feeling rose in me, and I grabbed one of them by the collar and shouted, “Where’s Xiao Hezhong?”
After years on the battlefield, I carried the stench of blood with me, and it was enough to leave the young servant speechless with fear.
I tossed him aside in disgust and searched the courtyards myself, one by one.
At one courtyard, I couldn’t push the door open. From inside came a woman’s muffled voice.
“You think getting into the Marquis’s bed means you can give me attitude? You’re nothing but a lowly concubine. Even if I sold you to a male brothel, no one would do a thing about it…”
“Someone strip him naked for me!”
At that, I kicked the door. It flew off with its frame and landed twenty feet away, leaving everyone in the courtyard staring at the entrance in shock.