1.
“Ty Ty, come home with me for Lunar New Year.” Wang Ping tugged at my arm and pleaded.
Wang Ping was my new college dorm roommate. I say roommate, but we’d never actually lived together.
On the first day of classes, I came up with a few excuses to rent a place near campus, and used my dorm room only to store my books.
I was cold by nature, and since I didn’t live on campus, I wasn’t close with any of my classmates.
Wang Ping and I probably would have had nothing to do with each other, but when she heard I’d grown up in an orphanage and had no friends or relatives, and that I planned to spend the New Year alone in my room, she warmly invited me to visit her hometown with her.
She meant well, and after she’d invited me several times, it felt a little awkward to keep saying no.
“Wouldn’t I be imposing on your family?” I bit my lip.
For the past few years, I’d barely socialized with anyone. Part of it was that I wasn’t good at getting along with people, but part of it was that I had a few little habits… It was just easier to be alone.
“I promise, my house is really big. You’ll have your own room, so you’ll have all the privacy you want. Besides, my family won’t mind at all.”
“All right. Since you put it that way, I won’t turn you down.”
I was over twenty and had never made a real-life friend. I figured I’d give it a try this time.
When I agreed, Wang Ping threw an arm around my neck and cheered and bounced around, though something flickered in her eyes.
How could I have known this would be an unusual trip?
2.
Wang Ping’s hometown was in a remote mountain region in the northwest, with poor transportation.
We changed vehicles several times, going from a train to a bus, and finally climbing into a three-wheeled vehicle.
The scenery outside the window grew more and more desolate.
Wang Ping traveled light, carrying only a backpack.
I, on the other hand, was dragging a large suitcase and carrying a backpack.
Wang Ping teased me for bringing my whole household with me.
I smiled. She was right: the suitcase and backpack were full of my “family.”
The bumpy ride jostled my backpack open, spilling dozens of lifelike decorations of various shapes and sizes.
Wang Ping stared in curiosity, her eyes nearly popping out of her head with fright.
She picked up one that had rolled to her feet. It had a thin, bloodless face, a white robe, and a tall white hat. She looked utterly bewildered.
“Th-this looks like Bai Wuchang.”
Wang Ping pointed at the small, black-robed figure with a tall black hat in my hand. “Is that Hei Wuchang?”
“Oh my gosh, are these the things you have in your bag?”
I thought I saw the corner of Bai Wuchang’s mouth twitch upward, so I hurriedly took the decoration from Wang Ping, gathered up the rest from the floor, put them back in my backpack, and zipped it shut. Then I smiled. “Just a little hobby of mine.”
Wang Ping muttered, “That’s a pretty strange hobby.”
She didn’t ask anything else.
After a long, roundabout journey, we finally reached a small village cut off from the outside world at dusk.
Wang Ping’s home stood halfway up the mountain. It was a large compound with several tiled-roof houses inside.
Black smoke curled around the houses. It was already cold in the mountains, but the moment I stepped into the courtyard, the temperature dropped several more degrees. I couldn’t help shivering.
A pitch-black coffin lay in the middle of the main room.
Several people were crouched beside it, burning joss paper.
I was a little confused. Tomorrow was New Year’s Eve, so what were they doing?
I hadn’t heard that anyone in Wang Ping’s family had died.
I wasn’t superstitious, but to an ordinary person, bringing an unrelated classmate home when the family was in mourning seemed pretty inappropriate.
“This is my classmate, Tian Ty Ty.”
Wang Ping introduced me to her family, then pointed at the coffin and said quietly, “That’s my older brother.”
The people in the house stopped what they were doing and gathered around to look me up and down.
An old man with graying hair handed me a stack of joss paper. “Kneel and burn it.”
Me: ?
“I’m sorry, but I really can’t do that. I’m afraid the person in the coffin wouldn’t be able to take it.”
After I refused, all their expressions turned sour. If the Ghost Queen knelt, Wang Ping’s brother’s soul would probably dissipate on the spot.
Wang Ping was the one who smoothed things over. She brought me some food and settled me in a room on the east side.
But there was white powder scattered around the rims of the bowls, and I spotted the giveaway at a glance.
Did they think I was an idiot?
No matter. I blew gently over the food, purifying it. It couldn’t hurt me now.
After eating, I repeatedly told Wang Ping not to wake me before dawn, and not to come into my room under any circumstances. Wang Ping looked conflicted, but still nodded.
The room was bizarre. Dark red “Double Happiness” characters were pasted on the walls, the sheets and duvet cover were red, and there were all sorts of white paper objects around the room. Two paper children even stood at the head of the bed.
But I had no time to dwell on it. It was almost ten o’clock, and those guys were probably getting anxious.
If I didn’t go downstairs, they might come crawling up to find me!
I hurriedly took the small Hei Wuchang and Bai Wuchang figurine out of my backpack, set it at the head of the bed, and bowed to them. “You two have worked hard. When I get back, I’ll burn you some Luzhou liquor and Yellow Crane Tower cigarettes!”
Hei Wuchang and Bai Wuchang seemed to pout, looking utterly dejected.
I gritted my teeth. “I’ll burn you some Moutai and Huazi, too!”
The two ghosts grinned widely. Tsk, tsk, tsk. They were getting greedier by the minute!
Feeling more at ease, I quickly lay down. The instant I closed my eyes, I entered another world.
3.
Seven large characters were engraved on the dark red city gate: “Netherworld Underworld Ghost Gate.”
Ox-Head and Horse-Face stood guard on either side of the gate, each holding a trident. As soon as they saw me, they brightened and wiped away tears. “Little Lady, you’ve finally arrived!”
“We’ve missed you so much!”
I let out a mocking laugh and called them out. “You’re just afraid I won’t come help you.”
Ox-Head and Horse-Face grinned and hurriedly told the little ghost beside them to escort me to the sedan chair.
I sighed. Who knew where my husband had run off to have fun this time? So much work had piled up that all his subordinates were worried sick.
But I was the Ghost King’s wife. If I didn’t shoulder the burden of the Netherworld, who would?
I quickly handled a string of cases and interrogated people no one else dared question. I didn’t even stop to drink water!
Just as I was about to catch my breath, Ox-Head came to ask for my approval. There were so many wicked people in the human world that all eighteen levels of Hell were overflowing with ghosts, and there weren’t enough cells. They wanted to expand the prisons and hoped I’d approve some funding!
I swept my brush across the page. Done!
Ox-Head was overjoyed and cried, “Thank you, Your Majesty! Long live Your Majesty!”
I really did care about the people. If my husband had been in my place, he wouldn’t have agreed so readily!
What had he said?
“If you need something, trade in your own merits to get it!”
What a miser.
When the Ten Kings of Hell heard I was working here, they came too, all clamoring to make requests of me.
Suddenly, I felt a chill.
You couldn’t feel cold in the Netherworld, so someone must be trying to touch my body in the human world.
I shivered and tapped the air a few times with my finger. A screen appeared before me.
My body was lying on the bed, breathing steadily.
Beside it was a face of mangled flesh and blood, with a huge dent in the top of its head and blood running from its mouth.
He was wearing a wedding outfit. When he opened his mouth, a great lump of bloody flesh fell to the floor. Slowly, he reached toward me with his bloody, severed hand.
His voice sounded like a broken radio. “Hey, hey, beautiful, I’m coming for you!”
The movement made even more blood pour out.
Ugh! What an eyesore! He was nowhere near as handsome as my husband!
I couldn’t afford to waste another moment thinking. A flash of white light filled the room, and the decorations at the head of the bed suddenly became real. Hei Wuchang and Bai Wuchang flew over, their faces pale, and started kicking and punching him.
“How dare you! You think you can ogle our Empress?”
“You look like some hideous ghost, and you still dare come out and scare people?”
“Beat him up!”
The male demon screamed like mad as they beat him.
At last, Hei Wuchang grabbed him firmly by the throat while Bai Wuchang worked in perfect sync with him, winding a chain around the demon’s neck and hanging him from the ceiling.
Bai Wuchang smiled at me, his blood-red lips stretching into an eerie, wide grin as he waited for praise.
“Little Empress, aren’t we great?”
I clapped my hands. “Hei Wuchang and Bai Wuchang have earned merit for protecting me. Reward them with a thousand mu of fertile fields—I’ll burn them for you tomorrow!”
The two ghosts instantly grew excited, dropped to their knees, and kowtowed. “Thank you, Your Majesty! Long live Your Majesty!”
That was a mistake! The moment they saw there was something to gain, the Ten Kings of Hell, who had been discussing official business with me, all flew into the screen. Meanwhile, my backpack hanging on the coat rack shook violently, and before long a crowd of ghostly decorations crawled out.
They all became real in an instant and started arguing until their faces turned red.
“He dared disrespect Her Majesty! Tear out his tongue!”
“Cut off his fingers!”
“Throw him into the oil cauldron!”
“Dig up his ancestors’ graves!”
The male demon hanging from the ceiling trembled with fear and wailed, “I was blind and didn’t recognize Mount Tai! I didn’t know you were Her Majesty! Please spare me!”
I blew into the image again, and the Long-Tongued Ghost immediately obeyed and crawled out. Its pink tongue stretched about thirty feet, wrapped around the male demon, and dragged him away.
The famous sisters Kayako and Fujiang led a group of their sisters in lying down to scrub the floor where the male demon had made a mess.
The Ten Kings of Hell put up soundproof curtains around my big bed to make sure my body in the human world got enough sleep.
All the ghosts were competing to serve me. If I didn’t do a little something for them, I’d feel bad!
I was pleased in both body and spirit. They all got a reward!
The noise in the room soon alerted everyone in Wang Ping’s family.
The old man stood at the door, excitedly saying, “They must be consummating the marriage. Looks like my grandson really likes this girl. We’ll bury them together in three days!”
“Trương Đại Tiên was right. We have to use someone who’s still alive!”
“Quick, get a ladder so we can look!”
Before long, I heard the clack of footsteps on a ladder outside.
My expression darkened. You’d harm an innocent girl for your own selfish ends? You really were both stupid and vile.
Those who deserved rewards should be rewarded, and those who deserved punishment should be punished!
I snapped my fingers. Sister Kayako, who had been waiting nearby, quickly crawled up the wall and across the ceiling on all fours, then positioned her empty eye sockets to face the window.